Being a dad...from a moms perspective

I watch my husband interact with our children and the combination is magical. How is it that the dad voice can permeate temper tantrums and episodes of non-compliance that a moms voice has no affect on? Simple: dads pick their battles and moms are a constant hum of parental swill.

Hum of swill: moms spend their days giving nice reminders about appropriate behavior:
"Drew make sure you brush your teeth"
"Cole be nice to your sister"
"Jack please put your school clothes on"
"Aubrey please come back to me"

Then moms give several reminders over and over again leading children to accomplish desired tasks. Problem, the tasks are never completed. Now as a mom I read a lot of Love and Logic literature as the philosophy worked well for me as a teacher. "Drew do you want to brush your teeth now or have mommy brush them for you?" It never fails though that our three year old son will choose to not do what we would like him to do. I even got dad involved in a recent fit in a hotel room to try to get him to put on his clothes for the day. "Dave I asked Jack to get dressed or I will dress him and he chooses neither."

It is problematic to always bring Dad in as the parent who cracks the whip when mom is ready to throw up her hands. This furthers norms of kids not listening to moms and waiting to get serious until dad gets involved. This strategy is not one we use often.

What strategies are there to turn the hum of swill into a voice our kids will listen to?

- Pick your battles. Not every thing can be an issue or an order. If you ask your child to get dressed in clothes you set out for them,  and they come out of their room in different clothes you might consider not picking this as a battle. If we fight for control every step of the way two results are possible: the kids will not listen or become defiant just to thwart your control.

-Give choices when you can. The above example on brushing teeth is right out of Love and Logic pedagogy. However, if you give choices and a choice is not chosen that you offered then as a parent you make the decision. And you make the decision swiftly. I think this is where we sometimes mess up. We give choices, then warnings, and then start making demands and it gets us no where closer to compliance.

-Let your children know. Have a direct conversation with your children about why they listen to one parent and not the other. They might have some insights for you. I know when I asked my 5 year old son his reply was that I boss him around more than dad does. This caused me to evaluate the number of things I asked him to do and the tone in which I asked him to do. If there are areas they identify that you can meet them halfway on then try modifying your style. Let your child know you are trying to meet them half way, though you are within your rights not to, and you would like them to try to listen to you the first time you make a request of them. Ask them what good listening means to them so you have a common understanding. Make sure and take time at the end of the day to guide your children through reflection on if they thing they exhibited perfect listening. Then set goals for the next day. This does not mean to let unresponsiveness slide and save correction for these reflective dialogues. I would still address misbehavior on the spot during the day by identifying your efforts
"Drew we are leaving in five minutes, is there anything I can help you do in order to get ready to leave?"
"No." 5 minutes later...
"Drew you did not get yourself ready. I made an adjustment to my communication style, asked you kindly, and did not bug you but now you are not ready. How are you meeting me halfway as we agreed?"
Then either snap them up in the car in their current state or get them ready your own way and get them in the car.

Or leave them at home:)

On An Island Off the Coast of Florida

When the four of us were 20-something teachers we embarked on a road trip to an island off the coast of Florida. After fighting wild boars at night, scurrying past alligators, and seeing matinees pull their graceful bodies through warm Florida coast waters we began the ultimate adventure of our lives: having children.


This blog is about two families and our adventures raising children in a new age of learning.When "we" (parents 30 or older) were growing up teachers lectured, had us fill out work sheets, and looked upon teachers as experts of knowledge. Our own children are growing up in an interesting time in the history of the United States especially as we consider ways in which children learn and are educated. Education in the United States is at a cross roads: China and India are educating a their students at a rate which creates a competitive marketplace for higher education opportunities and careers. Other countries such as Finland, Australia, Singapore and Canada make advances in international standardized test score data which show that the students in the United States are lower performing.

As parents, no matter what standardized test scores are shown to us or other countries become middle class competitors, we are uniquely positioned to guide our children through the education system. On this journey we can make decisions for our children which will help them achieve their dreams. We have an amazing opportunity to shape characteristics such as caring, creativity, inquisitiveness, passion, grit, and tenacity. We can raise children who not only compete in the knowledge economy, but are stewards of the world and learning as products of their journey through our education system. As parents we will make mistakes in how we raise our children and those failures are documented here.

Our children:

Drew- currently five years old and getting ready to enter into kindergarten (K) this upcoming fall. Drew loves anything on an IPad, legos, Tball, and reading. He wants to solve problems that are safe and will rarely take risks.

Cole- He is an almost 5 year old kid ready for the world of school.  He loves to learn and is excited to start kindergarten in the fall.  An avid baseball fan, Cole can often be found pretending to be his favorite teams (Tigers and Blue Jays).  He is still learning how to live with his little sister.

Jack- Jack is an outgoing second child. He is 3 years old and will be in pre school for two more years. He is a risk taker, still needs a mid day nap, and love to play sports. He is oddly shy of loud noises, silly, and loves to creep in bed with us around 4 am. 

Aubrey- She is a fun loving 13 month old girl who is starting to discover the world (especially on tops of tables and chairs).  Waking up in the morning, she is instantly searching for her brother "coco." She is already demonstrating a strong will and is motivated to get her way...we can only wait for her teenage years.






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